tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize