Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
