you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
