You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
