my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
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She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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