I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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