apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
