My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm always down for nudity.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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