how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Randomize
