When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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