Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
