dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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