What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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