I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize