Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
