...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
look no pants
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
