I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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