You made me cry and you don't even care
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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