1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
