I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
