Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
