they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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