it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She told me I should be a condom model.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
