Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
