ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
