FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
