woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
