Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
