Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
