They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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