Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
