you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things šš
Heās older
Like āhas a job and pays his billsā older or āstill watches porn on DVD because he canāt figure out the Internetā older?
Randomize
