I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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