Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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