The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
