A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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