Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
