your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
