I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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