I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
