We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
