his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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