Buhtt sex?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
