I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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