Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
