i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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