..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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