the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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