He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
