Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
