the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
