look no pants
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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