There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
