I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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