I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
