why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
