Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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