Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
