weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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