You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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