I puked a lego.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
