haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she told me i tasted like america
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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