and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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