Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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