New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
