capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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