i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize