Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
