You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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