i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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