The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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