At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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