just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
