I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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