brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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