Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
