well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
